Joker Review
Joker is one those movies you’ll either love or hate. Similar beats and structure to Taxi Driver, King of Comedy, Falling Down, Fight Club told via a very unreliable narrator.
“ If I’m going to have a past I prefer it to be multiple choice.”
Joaquin Phoenix was pretty epic and they did a great job making Gotham look irredeemably disgusting. The whole time I felt like I was watching a broken marionette or wind up toy crossed with a cockroach being born when ‘Arthur’ switched into the Joker. As far as the look of Gotham it’s portrayed as an unending series of brick walls, windows, and filth. The entire city looks like prison or institution with people just roaming from one grime covered cage to the next.
Another interesting observation to me, was that this was the second time I’ve seen him play a violent unstable character with an unhealthy relationship with his mother. So add ‘You Were Never Really Here’ to that list as well.
As for my personal viewing experience: not one person sat in my row with me in an eventual packed theatre. While this was kind of awkward to me it apparently wasn’t lost on a young girl who sat in a row behind me who commented after some time,” Guy in the front I like your snow cap!”
There were people who got upset, walked out. Or were audibly disturbed. This was to the point I even had to tell one guy behind me to shut the hell up because he kept yelling “ this movie is gay as fuck!” This was while he kept trying to convince his friends to leave. It was also a little odd going to see a movie with cops and security posted outside. The version I saw was the 70mm at Grossmont.
Other topics touched on in the movie were class warfare, disparities between the rich and poor, child neglect/abuse, government corruption, the media hyping up criminals, and inadequate care or funding of mental illness. And while there is some empathy and romanticism injected into the Joker - it’s quick to remind you some people are just twisted assholes. It’s how they got there and the choices that mattered.
I’ve also read some people complaining the ending was a cop out but maybe they didn’t get the joke or as the joker states,” I don’t think you’d get it.” This whole story was told through his lenses after all. As far as comic mythos is concerned it fits in as a elseworlds prequel to the Batman DC continuity.
The film itself definitely isn’t perfect, but it’s an interesting take on versions of characters and scenarios we’ve seen before when they got that “little push” spliced into Gotham.
RANDOM WIKI DIVE: JANKó KEYBOARD
Did you know pianos/keyboards can be played in alternative ways?
" The Jankó keyboard is a musical keyboard layout for a piano designed by Paul von Jankó in 1882.[1] It was designed to overcome two limitations on the traditional piano keyboard: the large-scale geometry of the keys (stretching beyond a ninth, or even an octave, can be difficult or impossible for pianists with small hands), and the fact that each scale has to be fingered differently. Instead of a single row, the Jankó keyboard has an array of keys consisting of two interlocking manuals with three touch-points for each key lever. Each vertical column of keys is a semitone away from its neighboring columns, and on each horizontal row of keys the interval from one note to the next is a whole step.
This key layout results in each chord and scale having the same shape on the keyboard with the same fingerings regardless of key, so there is no change in geometry when transposing music. The configuration retains the colouring of traditional keyboards (white naturals, black sharps and flats) for pedagogical purposes.
For an 88-note (full size) keyboard, there would be 264 keys in total, with each note playable by three keys in vertical alignment. In the picture above, the white keys have been coloured to show how the keys are interconnected. Instead of 123 cm (48 in) the keyboard is only 89 cm (35 in) wide, and the smaller key size allows reaching wider intervals.
The Jankó keyboard never achieved wide popularity. Music educators were not convinced that the benefits of the new keyboard were enough to challenge the traditional keyboard. Few performers were prepared to relearn their repertoire on a new keyboard with entirely different fingering. Both reasons left keyboard instrument manufacturers afraid to invest in a redesigned keyboard which promised to have only marginal commercial success."
https://i.redd.it/bj9awppzxjb31.jpg
Entry tags:
CHILL DARK TUNES
Some of my favorite music has always been synth driven instrumental music. Especially the intermittent breaks, intros, or short instrumental ambient tracks in black metal or industrial. Recently I've started to get into a genre called ' Dungeon Synth ' which is the extension of those aforementioned genres, but only the instrumental synth pieces. Super epic, relaxing, dramatic, and emotional all the same time without someone screaming in your ear about death, demons, goblins, orcs and Satan when you don't feel like it. Great to kick back with when you're reading or drawing.
My starter recommendations:
Secret Stairways - Enchantment of the Ring
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKSu-wZChcQ
Depressive Silence - Depressive Silence II
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxgVmpAk538&t=1605s
Elffor - Dra Sad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHByLevaikI
Mortiis - Anden Som Gjode Oppror
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mTd_Hi4h6I
Vindkaldr - Enchantments of Old Lore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LbciQTAjJw
Lord Lovidicus - Wandervogel Des Waldes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V0_zVjvczE
Old Tower - The Rise of tthe Specter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOqFr1AgYT4
Jim Kirkwood - Knight of A Dark Grail
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHiQaPU9BWU
You'll find a lot more here: Dungeon Synth Archive
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChmm356a5qe1luUsoatAgjA
My starter recommendations:
Secret Stairways - Enchantment of the Ring
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKSu-wZChcQ
Depressive Silence - Depressive Silence II
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxgVmpAk538&t=1605s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHByLevaikI
Mortiis - Anden Som Gjode Oppror
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mTd_Hi4h6I
Vindkaldr - Enchantments of Old Lore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LbciQTAjJw
Lord Lovidicus - Wandervogel Des Waldes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V0_zVjvczE
Old Tower - The Rise of tthe Specter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOqFr1AgYT4
Jim Kirkwood - Knight of A Dark Grail
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHiQaPU9BWU
You'll find a lot more here: Dungeon Synth Archive
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChmm356a5qe1luUsoatAgjA
Entry tags:
CRYPTIDS & TRESPASSING
I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did last night in years. Seeing Last Podcast on the Left Live was amazing. Being a sold out show at the Balboa Theater made me wonder where the hell all these weirdos were hiding. I wanna meet you weirdos! Well, maybe. Probably not. Then again, it was Comic-Con...
Topics Covered:
- Dogmen
- Big Foot
- Yetis
- Government Conspiracies
- Doctor Monkey
- The Manson Family
- Crab Cucked (Watching your significant other get banged by Sea Creatures)
- 280 pound Female Black Widow Killer
- Insurance Fraud
- Aliens
- Serial Killer vs Serial Killer
- The Dangers of Attempting to Light a Fart on camera.
I will also say my ass is too fragile now to sit in the Balboa Theater seats. Eventually I just had to stand because they were so uncomfortable. Someone needs to organize a bunch of rich people to donate money to get this place neat seats.
As far as any weird or paranormal, weird shit, or coincidences I've experienced, I've got a few.
https://dogmanencounters.com/sacramento-county-ca-encounter/
Topics Covered:
- Dogmen
- Big Foot
- Yetis
- Government Conspiracies
- Doctor Monkey
- The Manson Family
- Crab Cucked (Watching your significant other get banged by Sea Creatures)
- 280 pound Female Black Widow Killer
- Insurance Fraud
- Aliens
- Serial Killer vs Serial Killer
- The Dangers of Attempting to Light a Fart on camera.
I will also say my ass is too fragile now to sit in the Balboa Theater seats. Eventually I just had to stand because they were so uncomfortable. Someone needs to organize a bunch of rich people to donate money to get this place neat seats.
As far as any weird or paranormal, weird shit, or coincidences I've experienced, I've got a few.
ABANDONED MENTAL ASYLUM:
I once explored an abandoned mental asylum with a buddy of mine and his girlfriend at the time. Imagine images of Chernobyl or Pripyat inside this place. Wires and cables dangling from the ceilings, lead paint peeling on the walls, shattered glass and broken floor tiles everywhere. This particular facility had several sub-levels from the main floor. Of course we did the typical dumb shit like stand in the tiny padded rooms, cells, and tried to race with the wheel chairs we found down the halls. All good fun as my cohorts were drunk and stoned.
However, things got incredibly creepy once we got to this kind of large room with chairs and wheel chairs stacked to the ceiling. It being pitch black inside we had to use our flashlights or phones for light. We noticed on the floor there were circular patterns where people had walked in circles to the point where the floor had depressed and gotten imprinted with their feet patterns. And there were several of them. When we descended further down it got incredibly cold to the point where you could see your own breath and the hair would stand on your skin. As we continued through the facility we were hit by this incredibly bad smell and sense of dread. We found where the bodies must have been stored when people died. There were still imprints on the beds and slabs of human forms. I didn't want to be that guy in the horror movie but I had to mention I thought we should get the hell out of there.
At this point we tapped out and decided to book it. But the entire time back it felt like we were being followed by something. And occasionally we would feel this breeze pass through. Which was odd because we were underground most of the time. To get from each section of the facility you had to ascend/descend these long hallways at an angle and open these giant double doors. When we got the main level again the doors we came through wouldn't open. At that point I figured this was the part where the monster or serial killer comes out and kills us all. Luckily there was enough structural damage from being in the process of being demolished we found a room with giant hole in the wall we slipped through.
Slipping under the fence on the way out I looked back and I swear I could see a shadow or silhouette standing in the hole we crawled out of.
I once explored an abandoned mental asylum with a buddy of mine and his girlfriend at the time. Imagine images of Chernobyl or Pripyat inside this place. Wires and cables dangling from the ceilings, lead paint peeling on the walls, shattered glass and broken floor tiles everywhere. This particular facility had several sub-levels from the main floor. Of course we did the typical dumb shit like stand in the tiny padded rooms, cells, and tried to race with the wheel chairs we found down the halls. All good fun as my cohorts were drunk and stoned.
However, things got incredibly creepy once we got to this kind of large room with chairs and wheel chairs stacked to the ceiling. It being pitch black inside we had to use our flashlights or phones for light. We noticed on the floor there were circular patterns where people had walked in circles to the point where the floor had depressed and gotten imprinted with their feet patterns. And there were several of them. When we descended further down it got incredibly cold to the point where you could see your own breath and the hair would stand on your skin. As we continued through the facility we were hit by this incredibly bad smell and sense of dread. We found where the bodies must have been stored when people died. There were still imprints on the beds and slabs of human forms. I didn't want to be that guy in the horror movie but I had to mention I thought we should get the hell out of there.
At this point we tapped out and decided to book it. But the entire time back it felt like we were being followed by something. And occasionally we would feel this breeze pass through. Which was odd because we were underground most of the time. To get from each section of the facility you had to ascend/descend these long hallways at an angle and open these giant double doors. When we got the main level again the doors we came through wouldn't open. At that point I figured this was the part where the monster or serial killer comes out and kills us all. Luckily there was enough structural damage from being in the process of being demolished we found a room with giant hole in the wall we slipped through.
Slipping under the fence on the way out I looked back and I swear I could see a shadow or silhouette standing in the hole we crawled out of.
NIGHTMARES OF PLANE CRASHES:
Typically I have a high anxiety and fear of flying. I'll still do it but it usually takes anti-anxiety meds and or alcohol. For whatever reason it's been like this my whole life. There was a period where I was having the same nightmare of a plane exploding and crashing into a neighborhood. And they were the nightmares where you have the sensation of falling followed by the impact jolt. One night I decided to pull up the infamous 'Faces of Death' movie. I had seen clips of it but never watched it. It turned out from where I was living at the time there had been a horrific plane crash just a few blocks over. After going on a deep internet dive on the subject the nightmares stopped. One of the more gruesome aspects was the dispersal of body parts from the crash which were apparently sprayed all over the neighborhood.
Another nightmare I had with planes involved hitting water and not being able to swim. When I was young kid my sister's then ex husband was a pilot who instructed at a flight school. He would take me up in his planes and do 'touch n' go' runs. Landing the plane and taking off again. He also used to tease stalling the plane. For a short period of time he was like a surrogate older brother as well. Where I'm going with this is after they got divorced we had lost touch with him over the years. For whatever reason I thought to look him up and it turned out he had died in a plane crash with student. They had crashed in a lake in Alaska. I never had that nightmare again either.
SLEEP DEPRIVATION:
During a certain period of my life I would go days without sleeping. They say you're legally insane after a few days without sleep and I could easily subscribe to that. One particular evening I decided I was going to force myself to actually go to sleep no matter what. I was laying in bed looking at the ceiling when I began experiencing pareidolia. I usually always see faces/objects in patterns all of the time so no big deal. Except this face seemed to move and melt down the ceiling and into the wall. I got up freaked out and tried to calm myself with some water from the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw glowing white figure standing to my right. When I turned there was nothing there. Feeling ridiculous I went back to laying in bed with the lights on in my room.
Eventually i passed out but woke up to a loud thump right next to my bed. I woke up with what looked like a semi transparent figure looking over me standing beside me. And I could see this flutter of light and dust inside the silhouette that looked like swarms of bugs moving closer to my face. I shut my eyes as hard as I could until I passed out.
Typically I have a high anxiety and fear of flying. I'll still do it but it usually takes anti-anxiety meds and or alcohol. For whatever reason it's been like this my whole life. There was a period where I was having the same nightmare of a plane exploding and crashing into a neighborhood. And they were the nightmares where you have the sensation of falling followed by the impact jolt. One night I decided to pull up the infamous 'Faces of Death' movie. I had seen clips of it but never watched it. It turned out from where I was living at the time there had been a horrific plane crash just a few blocks over. After going on a deep internet dive on the subject the nightmares stopped. One of the more gruesome aspects was the dispersal of body parts from the crash which were apparently sprayed all over the neighborhood.
Another nightmare I had with planes involved hitting water and not being able to swim. When I was young kid my sister's then ex husband was a pilot who instructed at a flight school. He would take me up in his planes and do 'touch n' go' runs. Landing the plane and taking off again. He also used to tease stalling the plane. For a short period of time he was like a surrogate older brother as well. Where I'm going with this is after they got divorced we had lost touch with him over the years. For whatever reason I thought to look him up and it turned out he had died in a plane crash with student. They had crashed in a lake in Alaska. I never had that nightmare again either.
SLEEP DEPRIVATION:
During a certain period of my life I would go days without sleeping. They say you're legally insane after a few days without sleep and I could easily subscribe to that. One particular evening I decided I was going to force myself to actually go to sleep no matter what. I was laying in bed looking at the ceiling when I began experiencing pareidolia. I usually always see faces/objects in patterns all of the time so no big deal. Except this face seemed to move and melt down the ceiling and into the wall. I got up freaked out and tried to calm myself with some water from the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw glowing white figure standing to my right. When I turned there was nothing there. Feeling ridiculous I went back to laying in bed with the lights on in my room.
Eventually i passed out but woke up to a loud thump right next to my bed. I woke up with what looked like a semi transparent figure looking over me standing beside me. And I could see this flutter of light and dust inside the silhouette that looked like swarms of bugs moving closer to my face. I shut my eyes as hard as I could until I passed out.
DIRT-MAN:
I used to take the trolley almost daily for either work or school. There was one particular homeless person who would almost always be on the trolley the same time as me. Usually he'd be running from the trolley police or getting thrown off by them. I had even seen him battle and fight other homeless guys at trolley stops around town. He was usually wearing a poncho similar to that of Clint Eastwood, giant beard and long straggly hair with dreds. His face and other exposed extremities were caked in filth and grease. He was missing several teeth spare the ones that weren't made of metal. What made this particularly weird is he started getting off at the same stops I would. I would ride my bike and not really think anything of it. Until I noticed the exists started getting closer to where I actually lived.
As luck would have it I ended up getting a flat tire and couldn't raise any of my friends to pick me up. So I got off at my last stop and began walking my bike several miles home. I usually had my headphones on as well so I didn't pay too much attention to any noises. I decided to cut through a neighborhood shortcut and that's when I noticed he had been trailing me. I hopped on my bike and road downhill with the flat tire anyway, grinding the wheel into the sidewalk, and wobbling with the deflated rubber. Once I got home to my apartment complex he was no where to be seen.
A few months later a friend who worked downtown began taking the trolley to work and she complained about a guy who fit a similar description. Apparently he ended up following her from the trolley into her work downtown and spit in her face.
https://www.lastpodcastontheleft.com/showsI used to take the trolley almost daily for either work or school. There was one particular homeless person who would almost always be on the trolley the same time as me. Usually he'd be running from the trolley police or getting thrown off by them. I had even seen him battle and fight other homeless guys at trolley stops around town. He was usually wearing a poncho similar to that of Clint Eastwood, giant beard and long straggly hair with dreds. His face and other exposed extremities were caked in filth and grease. He was missing several teeth spare the ones that weren't made of metal. What made this particularly weird is he started getting off at the same stops I would. I would ride my bike and not really think anything of it. Until I noticed the exists started getting closer to where I actually lived.
As luck would have it I ended up getting a flat tire and couldn't raise any of my friends to pick me up. So I got off at my last stop and began walking my bike several miles home. I usually had my headphones on as well so I didn't pay too much attention to any noises. I decided to cut through a neighborhood shortcut and that's when I noticed he had been trailing me. I hopped on my bike and road downhill with the flat tire anyway, grinding the wheel into the sidewalk, and wobbling with the deflated rubber. Once I got home to my apartment complex he was no where to be seen.
A few months later a friend who worked downtown began taking the trolley to work and she complained about a guy who fit a similar description. Apparently he ended up following her from the trolley into her work downtown and spit in her face.
https://dogmanencounters.com/sacramento-county-ca-encounter/
Entry tags:
ALIENS & MOUNTAIN DEW CODE KYLE: OR HOW TO GET SHOT
I can only imagine what a great opportunity it would be for Area51 & Raytheon to test out the Active Denial System (ADS) on the herds of dorks that actually remember to show up in September. For the uninitiated, this is a non lethal weapon designed to heat the surface of targets, such as the skin of groups of targeted humans. Essentially it functions like giant focused microwave that excites water and fat molecules in the skin.The last guy that tried to get in there without authorization was shot last year. So between that, drones, sonic sound deterrents, electronic deterrents, drugs, jets, helicopters, mines, missiles, bombs, grenades, chemical weapons, actually being shot, being turned into a human pretzel, sharp sticks and of course harsh language..good luck with all of that. There’s a world of pain some bored guards who have been staring at rocks and cactus all day may or may not love to share with you.
All of that said though, the vision of some Mad Max:Fury Road or wasteland weekend caravan of mutant cars descending on a desert bound installation sounds hilariously horrible. I can hear a guard in a panicked Boomhauresque voice,” Them dangol’kylessotrmingthebigdanggate!” Who knows though? You could end up locked in a cell with ET and your cheeks getting probed or clapped. I can easily see this playing out as the premise for Jackass 4 as well. “ Hi, I’m Johnny Knocksville and we’re gonna storm the gates to Area51.” I’m also amused the Air Force had to issue an official statement:
"The Nevada Test and Training Range is an area where the Air Force tests and trains combat aircraft," McAndrews said. "Any attempt to illegally access military installations or military training areas is dangerous."
On the not not so funny spectrum do some research into groups attempting to oppose or resist government forces. Didn’t go well for them lol.
I have similar laughable thoughts when I read about people thinking they can hold out as some militias against the government or even by themselves. I think the only sliver of sanity regarding any of that would be the preparation aspect. If you’re gonna camp out in the desert or take a road trip make sure you have the right survival supplies. Same goes for planning for some cataclysmic disaster event. But taking on world powers, aliens, etc in this dystopian universe fuck all that shit. Go drink some Mountain Dew and slap and another pop tart in the toaster.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_Denial_System
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/air-force-warns-storming-area-51-facebook-event/story?id=64389885&fbclid=IwAR3B8tvmRmNkdIPyiz8k9mV9oI8RGtbIHl1S_SDlvKS1o1_TrT8qsxwdlSo
All of that said though, the vision of some Mad Max:Fury Road or wasteland weekend caravan of mutant cars descending on a desert bound installation sounds hilariously horrible. I can hear a guard in a panicked Boomhauresque voice,” Them dangol’kylessotrmingthebigdanggate!” Who knows though? You could end up locked in a cell with ET and your cheeks getting probed or clapped. I can easily see this playing out as the premise for Jackass 4 as well. “ Hi, I’m Johnny Knocksville and we’re gonna storm the gates to Area51.” I’m also amused the Air Force had to issue an official statement:
"The Nevada Test and Training Range is an area where the Air Force tests and trains combat aircraft," McAndrews said. "Any attempt to illegally access military installations or military training areas is dangerous."
On the not not so funny spectrum do some research into groups attempting to oppose or resist government forces. Didn’t go well for them lol.
I have similar laughable thoughts when I read about people thinking they can hold out as some militias against the government or even by themselves. I think the only sliver of sanity regarding any of that would be the preparation aspect. If you’re gonna camp out in the desert or take a road trip make sure you have the right survival supplies. Same goes for planning for some cataclysmic disaster event. But taking on world powers, aliens, etc in this dystopian universe fuck all that shit. Go drink some Mountain Dew and slap and another pop tart in the toaster.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_Denial_System
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/air-force-warns-storming-area-51-facebook-event/story?id=64389885&fbclid=IwAR3B8tvmRmNkdIPyiz8k9mV9oI8RGtbIHl1S_SDlvKS1o1_TrT8qsxwdlSo
Entry tags:
EXITS AND ENTRANCES
People are going to come in and out of your life when you least expect it. Strangers, enemies, heroes, best friends, and worst friends. Very rarely do you have control on when they decide to check in and check out. Enjoy the ride, try not to hurt anyone, and don't keep anyone from their own adventures. You reap what you sow. People are always going to people. Respect the time you have with each other.
Entry tags:
ON HEAT, DEATH, CAR WRECKS AND CREATIVITY
Recently I was in a car accident. And for whatever reason that seemed to ignite some kind of momentum to push myself further musically and artistically. I feel the compositions, structures, rhythms, as a whole are much better than anything I've done. A weird ' oh I leveled up' kind of sensation or thought. I often feel as though I get trapped in rut or plateau. And several people I've tried to make things happen with or attempt some kind of partnership fall through. Sometimes shit happens out of your control. I really don't know how some of you do it.
The last year and a half I've had the good fortune to write with and learn from two really impressive creative people. Even if nothing comes of any of it I feel like there's been more progress than usual. I'm hoping there's more of this going forward. Life has a way of getting in the way. And usually not for the best. So usually I end up going it alone.
I feel like some kind of crash test dummy slamming at high speed into a wall over and over again hoping for 'some' result. Maybe the same one. Maybe not. Which is eerily similar to the definition of insanity. Or is that just practicing your hobby or craft? I would always get annoyed when i heard that saying. " Your craft.." Like I'm going to conjure some spell or build a shed.
After the wreck I had two broken ribs and had temporarily lost some of the mobility of my right arm. I certainly wasn't going to be doing any drawing (which didn't happen until a few days ago). But I could easily move midi blocks around a DAW/sequencer and sit around in a hot dark room. For a long time I had the notion of just hurling as many sounds and notes as I could to create sonic textures. Weather or not this was overly repetitious or listenable is debatable. But each one felt like an experiment building on another. The downtime I had healing had afforded some extra time to re-listen and analyze a lot of things I had done before. So I began peeling layers back and maybe subconsciously I had tried to bury certain ideas or parts. One of the critiques I had gotten with older material was " Your music sounds like a war zone. Like someone is bombing another country with arcade machines. " But maybe there's some good shit hidden in there after all? There's a temptation with digital work in that you can always pull it apart and re-work it and reuse it.
I started trying to figure out how other people had built their songs. What elements made them really tick? What did I like so much about the way they did it? Remixing a song you like or trying to rebuild/cover a song you like helps immensely. Sonic noise therapy in a way. I had also been asked to remix a friends work and come up with new beats for them. It was a whole hell of a lot easier to worry about only one element instead of 20-30 layers at a time, at least concerning the beat ideas. For the remix, I just tried to pull out the elements I enjoyed. In a way it feels like watching those portrait artist exaggerate certain features. I hope more friends feel inclined to share their work like that. However, When other people are laying vocals on my work it's a mixed feeling. Ultimately you want someone to feel or think something while they hear the music. But when it goes to a place you weren't expecting it can sometimes be uncomfortable. Something I just gotta get over or do it myself I suppose. Probably just the control freak in me. Or maybe what they started to sing about scared me? Maybe I'm just an asshole? Maybe uncomfortable is good?
When it comes to sharing work It probably I'm the type who really doesn't care what people think. But I'd be totally full of shit if that were 100% the case. I'm gonna make what I want for sure. But If I've shared something with you that I worked on for hours it's because I really do care what you think. I've probably definitely taken that for granted with other people's work.
Before the car accident I had also moved back to the part of the city I actually enjoy and have a fair bit of nostalgia for. Usually my nostalgia is fairly negative. But I always felt this was a better environment. At least for now.
The last year and a half I've had the good fortune to write with and learn from two really impressive creative people. Even if nothing comes of any of it I feel like there's been more progress than usual. I'm hoping there's more of this going forward. Life has a way of getting in the way. And usually not for the best. So usually I end up going it alone.
After the wreck I had two broken ribs and had temporarily lost some of the mobility of my right arm. I certainly wasn't going to be doing any drawing (which didn't happen until a few days ago). But I could easily move midi blocks around a DAW/sequencer and sit around in a hot dark room. For a long time I had the notion of just hurling as many sounds and notes as I could to create sonic textures. Weather or not this was overly repetitious or listenable is debatable. But each one felt like an experiment building on another. The downtime I had healing had afforded some extra time to re-listen and analyze a lot of things I had done before. So I began peeling layers back and maybe subconsciously I had tried to bury certain ideas or parts. One of the critiques I had gotten with older material was " Your music sounds like a war zone. Like someone is bombing another country with arcade machines. " But maybe there's some good shit hidden in there after all? There's a temptation with digital work in that you can always pull it apart and re-work it and reuse it.
I started trying to figure out how other people had built their songs. What elements made them really tick? What did I like so much about the way they did it? Remixing a song you like or trying to rebuild/cover a song you like helps immensely. Sonic noise therapy in a way. I had also been asked to remix a friends work and come up with new beats for them. It was a whole hell of a lot easier to worry about only one element instead of 20-30 layers at a time, at least concerning the beat ideas. For the remix, I just tried to pull out the elements I enjoyed. In a way it feels like watching those portrait artist exaggerate certain features. I hope more friends feel inclined to share their work like that. However, When other people are laying vocals on my work it's a mixed feeling. Ultimately you want someone to feel or think something while they hear the music. But when it goes to a place you weren't expecting it can sometimes be uncomfortable. Something I just gotta get over or do it myself I suppose. Probably just the control freak in me. Or maybe what they started to sing about scared me? Maybe I'm just an asshole? Maybe uncomfortable is good?
When it comes to sharing work It probably I'm the type who really doesn't care what people think. But I'd be totally full of shit if that were 100% the case. I'm gonna make what I want for sure. But If I've shared something with you that I worked on for hours it's because I really do care what you think. I've probably definitely taken that for granted with other people's work.
Before the car accident I had also moved back to the part of the city I actually enjoy and have a fair bit of nostalgia for. Usually my nostalgia is fairly negative. But I always felt this was a better environment. At least for now.
Entry tags:
BULLIED BY A SEAGULL: A MEANINGFUL INTERACTION
I decided to eat at the food court at lunch today by myself. My first instinct was to find the furthest and most secluded bench as humanly possible away from people. I generally dislike being around them, hearing them, seeing them, etc. At least when it isn't on my own terms. To further over explain myself; of course I enjoy being around my friends or events that I'm interested in. Elsewhere I feel like I'm being subjected to being tossed into a barrel of hungry rats and centipedes unnecessarily. And that may not necessarily just reflect the work place.
I have similar feelings about that. Hurry up and sit down again. Troops of monkeys chained to giant frames of steel, carbon fiber, and bolts hurling down a freeway on giant rock spinning through space orbiting a massive burning star. All to earn those precious existence tokens that go towards filling up someone else's bank account. At least no one can take it with them they die. .. yet ..anyway.
I have similar feelings about that. Hurry up and sit down again. Troops of monkeys chained to giant frames of steel, carbon fiber, and bolts hurling down a freeway on giant rock spinning through space orbiting a massive burning star. All to earn those precious existence tokens that go towards filling up someone else's bank account. At least no one can take it with them they die. .. yet ..anyway.
I also wanted to be away from the constant barrage of psycho political brain washing being pumped from the televisions inside. The things that they say seem less camouflaged and less human everyday. Like those aliens from 'They Live' impersonating humans. They also resemble some kind of poorly conceived concept of a human. Like a bag of skin thrown over a pile of dirty laundry that hates and judges everything you do. It lurches to the microphone emitting a combination of wild bore squealing and wet chalk. A fellow person impersonator gurgles back and barks at the tv monitor. I sit down at my chosen bench with my back to a brick wall.
My fork pushes through the rice and chicken like I'm looking for a some kind of hidden treasure. The thought of 'Spaceballs' comes to mind. That scene where they're combing the desert looking for our heroes, " We ain't found shit. " This shit doesn't even taste like food half of the time anymore. Yet I persist like a lab animal unable to learn it's lesson while he scientist throws their clipboard on the floor. I try to lose myself in my phone for a couple minutes browsing Reddit and some other sites. Cat pictures, dead bodies, headlines, more cat pictures. This cycle repeats a few times before I give up. I decide to pull my iPad out and work on a tattoo design I had been meaning to finish for the past few months but I just wasn't feeling it. I hate being forced to draw or create something once it isn't fun to me any more or creatively I've run out of gas. I just can't force myself to draw in that manner once I've hit that wall. Usually I'll revisit a piece even if it's days, weeks, months, years later. Additionally I had also recently been in a car crash and had some medical issues. The creative pendulum in my brain had decidedly switched back to music the past month.
This particular piece I've been working on incorporates occult sigils, inspiration from Gustave Dore, Brom, and shattered bones. I'll have to research the sigils meaning before I commit to finalizing them. I'm not really well versed in them other than ' Oh well that looks cool.' The main concept is a skull shattering revealing occult geometry. The sigil of Lucifer hangs directly over as well. Demons and angels with spears, swords, intricate armors, flowing robes, and fully extended demonic wings. The goal was to fill a space large enough for a back piece but to keep it 'grandiose, dramatic and creepy.' I had put this one off because I had hit that wall I described early. Today I felt like I had broken through that. I just couldn't come up with a plan to keep the shattering skull and various geometric sigils dynamic. Or a process for the matter to accomplish it. The breakthrough came by drawing certain sections of the shattering skull on separate layers and then erasing where the overlaps from the geometry occurred. This created composition that was dynamic and gave the impression the sigils and geometry were the inner frame or scaffolding holding the shattered skull together. As I was mentally patting myself on the back (or being an asshole) I got the impression I was being watched.
For a brief moment I panicked. I really didn't want to have to explain the tattoo design to some random person. I barely even knew what I was doing. Luckily, I didn't have to. Because the only creature watching me was a seagull. A big one with zero fucks to give at that. This one must had been around people it's entire life because it had absolutely no fear of me, or anything. I swung my hand out hoping it would fly away. It didn't. It wobbled closer looking at me with one side of it's head and then the other. It leaned in towards me as if it was trying to hear me clearer. I had seen seagulls display this behavior in San Fransico near the Piers or the Embarcadero, but not here. I stood up and said with a tone that suggested annoyance, " Come on!" This time the seagull squawked at me and hopped directly next to my exposed lunch. It's eyes studying the food and then my face. I sat back down resigned and cracked open a fortune cookie.
" YOU WILL HAVE A MEANINGFUL INTERACTION. "
Well shit, fortune cookie I can only hope.
Well shit, fortune cookie I can only hope.
The seagull flapped his feet against grates in the table growing more impatient. I decided I needed to Snapchat this as some documentary into the mundane misadventures that are my life. The activity had apparently attracted another seagull which landed directly to right. I looked back up at the seagull who at this point was actually drooling from it's beak. A steady stream of seagull drool glistening in the light poured directly into my exposed rice.
"Alright, you win." I mutter defeated as I walk back to my car. Behind me the seagulls began to tear apart the teriyaki remains of chicken and rice.
The rock keeps hurling through space.
